Thoughtful Therapy

  Helping women find freedom and peace

Blog

Blog

I'm Just a Girl Who Can't Say No

Posted on 11 August, 2015 at 9:00

Remember the Rodgers and Hammerstein musical Oklahoma!? It's one of my favorites. Gloria Grahame as Ado Annie sings a song near the beginning of the musical called "I Can't Say No." While the song is really about saying no to kisses from boys, the first few lines could apply to quite a few of us is many other situations:


I'm just a girl who can't say no,

I'm in a terrible fix!

I always say, "come on, let's go!"

Just when I oughta say, "Nix!"


Does this describe you? Do you say yes when you know you should say no, just to keep the guilt from setting in? Do you frequently find yourself agreeing to some task or another, a volunteer opportunity, one more [carpool, bake sale, PTA meeting, fundraiser, etc], when what you really want to say is, "NO!"? Do you envy others who seem to be able to turn down one of these "opportunities" without feeling guilty? Do you worry about hurting someone's feelings by turning them down?


Good news! You, too, can set boundaries and say no without guilt! Just imagine: You agree to tasks you enjoy. You spend more time with your family. You still help others, but you do it when it works for you. You don't have to overschedule anymore.


Place a high value on your time and schedule it.

Your time is just as valuable as anyone else's. You are allowed to be in control of your schedule. Make a schedule of all the activities you participate in each day and each week. This includes anything you are involved in, such as lunch with a friend, carpool, meetings, date night, work, time with the kids, etc. This will let you see any pockets of time that may be available, as well as when you are overscheduled. Use this information as you consider whether or not to join in, commit to, or add on.


Remember that saying no is not personal.

You are setting appropriate boundaries when you turn down something you don't have time to do well. It's not a personal attack or slight to anyone else, and it doesn't have to do with anyone else. This is how to walk away without feeling guilty or worrying about hurting feelings. Don't let yourself take on the responsibility for how someone else feels or what someone else thinks you should do. That is about them, not you.


Don't give in to peer pressure.

Just because Debbie and Susie are helping doesn't mean you have to do it, too. If you think it sounds fun and you have time, great! Go for it! But if it's just one more thing to fit in between carting the kids to soccer practice and getting dinner on the table, maybe it's okay to sit this one out. There will always be a next time.


Let your no mean no.

When you agree to do something, commit, follow through, and do it. But when you say no, don't later give in and say yes. If you do this, people will not believe you when you turn them down. They will think they can coax you into a yes if they keep asking. Because it worked in the past. Be kind, but firm when you abstain.


Try the broken record technique.

If you find that you have difficulty getting others to accept your no, use the broken record technique. Come up with a phrase and repeat it until the other person stops asking. See example below.


Super Pushy Person: We really need another volunteer for this weekend's school fun fair! Can you help out?

You (already knowing the weekend is half booked with activities, and planning to use the other half to relax with the family): No, I can't help this time. We already have plans.

SPP: But it's only all day Saturday! Can't you come for at least a little while?

You: No, I can't help this time. We already have plans.

SPP: But we really need you!

You: No, I can't help this time. We already have plans.

Hopefully, by this point, SPP is getting it that you are not giving in. You can change your tone of voice as needed, from, say, wistful regret, to matter-of-fact, to kind and firm, but don't give in after already saying no.


Saying no when you need to can change your life. You can stop feeling guilty and being disappointed with yourself for not following through. You can take back control of your schedule. You can feel powerful making good decisions about your time.

Categories: Women's Issues, Life Skills

Post a Comment

Oops!

Oops, you forgot something.

Oops!

The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again.

774 Comments

Reply uviuoyero
2:19 on 18 March, 2020 
Be vsc.hgvp.hallelujahhighestpraise.com.kvh.xy doses altitude herpes [URL=http://eatingaftergastricbypass.net/item/fildena-xxx/ - generic fildena xxx in canada[/URL - [URL=http://hackingdiabetes.org/prevacid/ - prevacid pdr info[/URL - [URL=http://csharp-eval.com/arimidex/ - buy arimidex[/URL - [URL=http://buckeyejeeps.com/sildalis/ - buy sildalis[/URL - [URL=http://ossoccer.org/item/enhance/ - best price enhance[/URL - exhibited on line fildena xxx prevacid arimidex lowest price order sildalis online discount sildalis buy generic enhance brains slough, samples http://eatingaftergastricbypass.net/item/fildena-xxx/ on line fildena xxx http://hackingdiabetes.org/prevacid/ prevacid pdr info http://csharp-eval.com/arimidex/ arimidex online http://buckeyejeeps.com/sildalis/ discount sildalis http://ossoccer.org/item/enhance/ buy generic enhance nerves, metastases.
Reply ahienzeyi
18:51 on 25 March, 2020 
Identify viu.afvr.kommuniker.com.aho.va axial-flow stone [URL=http://scoverage.org/order-plaquenil/ - prices for plaquenil[/URL - [URL=http://gaiaenergysystems.com/hydroxychloroquine-pills/ - hydroxychloroquine[/URL - [URL=http://online-forsalelasix.com/ - lasix[/URL - [URL=http://a1sewcraft.com/chloroquine-for-sale/ - generic chloroquine at walmart[/URL - [URL=http://columbiainnastoria.com/buy-plaquenil-no-prescription/
- plaquenil for sale overnight[/URL - [URL=http://redemptionbrewworks.com/prednisone-buy-online/ - prednisone pill identification canada[/URL - [URL=http://black-network.com/prednisone-canada/ - prednisone without prescription[/URL - walks lupus blood test results on plaquenil generic plaquenil buy hydroxychloroquine lasix for sale chloroquine for sale generic plaquenil online buy plaquenil no prescription prednisone 20mg prednisone dosage for 12 year old prednisone without prescription ordained breakthroughs arterial, http://scoverage.org/order-plaquenil/ online plaquenil no prescription http://gaiaenergysystems.com/hydroxychloroquine-pills/ generic hydroxychloroquine at walmart http://online-forsalelasix.com/ buy lasix http://a1sewcraft.com/chloroquine-for-sale/ chloroquine cost http://columbiainnastoria.com/buy-plaquenil-no-prescription/ where to buy plaquenil online buy plaquenil no prescription http://redemptionbrewworks.com/prednisone-buy-online/ prednisone alternatives http://black-network.com/prednisone-canada/ prednisone 10 mg how to buy kiss recruited aspirating.
Reply ukiayeyo
8:02 on 26 March, 2020 
It fwk.lcoa.dynam-med.info.vuk.zu organs [URL=http://panamacityjuniors.com/plaquenil/ - generic for plaquenil[/URL - buy plaquenil without prescription [URL=http://columbiainnastoria.com/hydroquin/ - hydroquin without a doctor[/URL - generic hydroquin canada [URL=http://jacksfarmradio.com/buy-chloroquine-without-prescripti
on/ - chloroquine on internet[/URL - [URL=http://buckeyejeeps.com/prednisone-without-perscription/ - prednisone without perscription[/URL - [URL=http://clotheslineforwomen.com/zithromax-online/ - zithromax online[/URL - [URL=http://buckeyejeeps.com/lasix/ - water pill lasix make you sweat[/URL - [URL=http://livinlifepc.com/20-mg-prednisone/ - deltasone and over the counter[/URL - 20 mg prednisone amphotericin crampy plaquenil hydroquin chloroquine brand prednisone dog buying prednisone on the interent buy zithromax zithromax 40 mg furosemide prednisone online pharmacy no prescription phrases, http://panamacityjuniors.com/plaquenil/ buy cheap plaquenil http://columbiainnastoria.com/hydroquin/ generic hydroquin from canada http://jacksfarmradio.com/buy-chloroquine-without-prescription/ chloroquine online no script http://buckeyejeeps.com/prednisone-without-perscription/ buy prednisone online without prescription http://clotheslineforwomen.com/zithromax-online/ cheap zithromax http://buckeyejeeps.com/lasix/ water pill lasix make you sweat lasix dosing http://livinlifepc.com/20-mg-prednisone/ prednisone without a doctor bicornuate anisocytosis brevis.
Reply Teoexoli
8:38 on 14 July, 2020 
generic for cymbalta
Reply air max 97
17:53 on 14 July, 2020 
WONDERFUL Post.thanks for share..more wait .. ?
air max 97 http://www.nike-airmax97.us
Reply Alanexoli
2:53 on 15 July, 2020 
kamagra online buy levitra dapoxetine medicine cheap sildenafil citrate uk how much is lipitor buy celebrex amitriptyline 25mg buy finpecia online hydroxychloroquine where to buy generic for clonidine buy avana chloroquine sulphate furosemide 20 mg xenical 120mg capsules australia wellbutrin sr amoxicillin 750 mg price vermox 500mg cymbalta duloxetine ventolin over the counter baclofen cream uk
Reply Lisaexoli
4:55 on 15 July, 2020 
atorvastatin lipitor
Reply Maryexoli
11:20 on 15 July, 2020 
dapoxetine pills cheap xenical buspar 45 mg baclofen 20 mg coupon buy avana online chloroquine phosphate buy silagra online vermox nz sildenafil tablets wellbutrin sr
Reply Amyexoli
12:14 on 15 July, 2020 
amoxicillin 250 mg price in india
Reply Paulexoli
13:09 on 15 July, 2020 
buy xenical 360mg daily wellbutrin buspar 5 mg purchase vermox buy isotretinoin
Reply Yonexoli
14:04 on 15 July, 2020 
buy finpecia lipitor atorvastatin where to buy cymbalta cheap buy tadalafil 20mg can you buy kamagra over the counter in australia
Reply Carlexoli
19:56 on 15 July, 2020 
buy wellbutrin online without prescription buy furosemide buy tadalafil baclofen pills erythromycin capsules brand
Reply Zakexoli
21:06 on 15 July, 2020 
vermox uk dapoxetine 30 lasix furosemide chloroquine covid 19 buy valtrex levitra 20 mg daily plaquenil headache priligy for sale in canada
Reply Eyeexoli
4:10 on 16 July, 2020 
cost of singulair clonidine for adhd generic sildenafil buy atorvastatin online buy kamagra avana 146 levitra tablet online india buy ciprofloxacin online valtrex 1000 mg tablet purchase silagra 100 tablets doxycycline hyclate 100mg plaquenil tablets 200mg buy wellbutrin baclofen comparison price where to buy amitriptyline tadalafil tablets celebrex price buy ventolin online no prescription buy furosemide accutane generic price
Reply Jasonexoli
5:03 on 16 July, 2020 
where can i buy vermox medication online lipitor atorvastatin priligy generic buy chloroquine ciprofloxacin 250mg buy celebrex buy singulair buspar medicine sildenafil citrate generic dapoxetine tablets cost in india
Reply Teoexoli
5:32 on 16 July, 2020 
buy ventolin
Reply Yonexoli
6:37 on 16 July, 2020 
avana online sildenafil online without prescription doxycycline hyclate 100 mg dapoxetine buy silagra generic
Reply Amyexoli
7:59 on 16 July, 2020 
bupropion sr
Reply Maryexoli
10:23 on 16 July, 2020 
doxycycline 100 mg cost generic serviquin buy clonidine buy finpecia generic vermox kamagra to usa buy generic priligy bupropion wellbutrin amoxicillin 500 no prescription generic ciprofloxacin 500mg
Reply Markexoli
18:08 on 16 July, 2020 
buspar price canada accutane pills valtrex 1000 mg buy chloroquine lipitor 10mg price uk buy priligy